Didn't remember so much about spring while growing up in orange county, as everything looked the same from the lack of seasons year round. In new york, spring was often obscured by the tall buildings, and spring could only be seen through the latest fashion trends or only at central park. In san francisco, it is too cold and it is hard to find as good clean place to enjoy the pleasantness of the season. I guess i am more aware of the spring as well since i have a backyard at home with many fruit trees blooming and a couple of planter boxes with seedlings sprouting as the weather warmed. The previous owner did a really good job with the landscaping and left me with many varieties of plants and flowers to enjoy.

I have been in Sacramento for just over six months now... While the change wasn't as i expected i have been asking myself to what extent should i put up with things and hold out and stay optimistic? Since i started,there was something that messed up my transition to the public sector and derailed it for a bit. It has since been resolved but things have not really improved yet since the public sector is a slow behemoth when it comes to progress. I have been asking myself the same questions a lot lately. Just what am i doing this for? Have I been mistaken to take such a big step backwards and not really position myself in a comparable position with more responsibility? Have I been too naive about transitioning, thinking that I can just focus on doing my job and think about solving problems and it won't matter where i start? I think the answer is yes. So let's say i have made a mistake, do I keep holding out and just work it through since there is something that the present situation brings that i am willing to hold out for. What things are these? Well, I have settled for a simple life, a life where I can live content within my means and to be able to enjoy life's simple moments. That's what I wanted, and is philosophically consistent with what I think life is about. However I am finding this path harder to walk than i originally anticipated, mostly because I feel so at odds with almost everyone i meet. It is hard not to second guess myself when everyone seems to judge you according to a different value system. Most people probably can't understand why I would make this trade downward with my life, setting myself five to eight years back. I don't quite understand it fully except that in my ideal world it would make sense. An ideal world where everyone would come to think like me and understand the positives of a life in moderation... Of a life not motivated by money or success, but by simple good will... I was so looking forward to being able to achieve a simple but fulfilling life... But obviously the real world is much much different... And I am not as good as i think i am... And I have much to learn still about the ways of man... And I am way too impatient... And I am horrible at letting things go... And bad at avoiding confrontation, bad at just letting things be... Bad social skills... I don't know, it is hard to be simple and boring... Is it really possible for someone as individualistic as me to live the average life and be blend into normal society? Then there is the pride issue... It is hard too to let go of the desire by the old self wanting to be recognized. To let go of a self identity that seems much more than what i have now... A muchier self... Vanishing as a fragment of memory... Arrogance...

I don't know... I am thinking about things I would like to accomplish later in the year in sacramento ... Go on a flyfishing trip in yosemite, remodel the bathrooms, become a better curler, take the puppy to agility class, hopefully find a sperm donor, solve a little problem for California...

I read a blog post about being happy and staying positive everyday because it makes the people around you happier. A negative aura is really infectious so it is best to try to project happiness and to have positive feedback. A cousin also told me once that she used to laugh into the mirror everyday in the morning to brighten herself up. It really helped to make her feel happy the rest of the day she said.

So spring is a season about rebirth, about contemplating change, and about celebrating life. Even though i may experience new changes int difficult and unexpected environments, i should remain positive and be happy of what i have around me. I am glad for the flowers in the spring... Seeing them under the soft sunlight really brightens my day. Positive! Happy! Spring!

I don't quite know what happened. maybe it was the hotdog treats today or something else. maybe it was the visitors over the weekend that helped her differentiate between family and outsiders? who knows...

she just started to trust me a lot.

yesterday I was stilled worried about some set back because I tried to discipline her for chewing up my rug. I tried to grab a hold of her and ended up scaring her away. later I bot her a couple of piece of carpet for her to chew on. she is smart at picking up new things and signals from me and has already figured out that she should play on her carpet.

I find that she looks to me now when she is hungry. but then she won't eat when i've prepared the food and stand next to her.

I am getting a bit frustrated by her mistrust and how it is a lot harder to get a hold of her now that she is more active.

so this morning I decided to train her a bit. instead of simply giving her food when she wants it, I made her come to me and eat out of my hand once before letting her have the rest of the bowl. this, I figured would get her to understand that I'm the one providing the food to her and she shouldn't be afraid of me. it took me four times to get it right this morning. the times I failed, she would circle around me while never getting close to my hand. then she'd settle down out of my reach and pretend to wait til I give up and go away. well! I wasn't about to lose my patience. after a while, I just picked up the bowl and put it away and waited a while before trying the whole routine again. finally she was hungry enough such that she took the food out of my hand and let me pet her. satisfied, I let her have the rest of the food as a reward.

after about twenty minutes or so, I started to notice her sniffing around the carpet. so I went out to the backyard and let her follow me out. I sat down and played with my phone. out of the corner of my eyes I saw her relieving herself in the grass. I was elated!! what an productive morning this has been.

after an active morning, she is now cuddled up napping with her favorite pink hippo toy.

to health prosperity and happiness in the year of the tiger!

I think all the new space is a bit hard to get use to for her. but I think she is figuring out how the rooms connect to each other.

so far no luck with the potty training since she is too scared all the time. hopefully after today she will be more comfortable with the backyard and will relieve herself outdoors when I drop her outside.

so a new family member arrived today... her name is rika!